Warning to Fetishists: Don't Mess with Our Lawn Furniture
Tuesday August 12, 2008
I was looking at About.com's Weird News site today (yes, we cover just about everything), and noticed under Weird News Highlights, the headline: "Lawn Furniture Fetishist." Since Weird News Guide Buck Wolf is the expert on this type of story, you can read it on his site. It seems the offender in the most recent incident was enamored with a park bench and had to be cut free. In a similar incident in March, the object of an Ohio man's affections was a round picnic table (sans umbrella) on his deck.
Poor patio furniture. "In addition to public outrage, we imagine there's considerable jealousy among [the] other lawn furniture," wrote Tom Radler on asylum.com. He continued: "...we're sure that plastic gnome hiding in the hedges is wondering why he wasn't chosen. The garden hose, however, is probably pretty relieved."
Comments
Wow. I don’t even know where to start! We hear about shoe and feet fetishes quite a bit, but a bench? How does this kind of thing start anyway? Was he just strolling in a park one day and said to himself, “Gee, that bench looks pretty darn cute to me!”
I suppose one doesn’t have to get into lengthy discussions or argue with a bench, right? So that’s a plus. And you don’t have to spend a lot of money on dinners and a movie. Perhaps just a good paint job will do?
Hmm, I wonder which he prefers– brunette or the sun-bleached benches?
Hey…a late-evening stroll in the park and they all start to look good, especially after closing time!